MARTENEY MEDIA

Cycling and Bouffants

Posted on March 14, 2014 by Ken Marteney

A middle-aged woman speeding in a truck

Hogs the lane like she doesn’t give a @$#%

Cyclists beware

She cares more about her hair

Than running you over with her truck

The Homeboy Shuffle

Video

Foster kid Kenny’s dance interpretation of arriving at his first boys home. Go Kenny!

National Action Figure Day

Video

Kenny promotes National Action Figure Day in an interview.

Be Nice to Your Waiter

Posted on February 7, 2014 by Ken Marteney

In a room that smelled like aging meat

Chef Mutton Chop had too much to drink

He blurted out:

The guy who prepared your soup

never washes his hands after he poops!

Yes, tap water from the sink

is scary to drink.

They all put their dinkys

in the drinkys!

And their noodles

poke your strudel!

Always having fun

with your bun,

never forgetting the extra sleaze

on the cheese.

Hepatitis — Tag, You’re it!

Chef Mutton Chop then leaned over and vomited in a trash can.

And one final thought…

They always use the tortilla as a wipe

before they roll your burrito tight.

Cheers!

Have a great time as you dine tonight.

Celebrities Comment on 500 Followers

Posted on February 3, 2014 by Ken Marteney

I’ll tell you who’s trapped — I was trapped during that post. You’re full of rubbish. You should be kicked off the internet.

Oh my gawd! And you call yourself a writer? Are you stupid? Chef Mutton Chop was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! They should kick you off the internet.

Ken, Ken, Ken. Airing your family’s dirty laundry on the internet. What are you thinking? I’m thinking you weren’t’ thinking. Have you considered changing your title from Potentially Disruptive to Surely Stupid?

Blog till you’re naked? What are you NSA’ing my mind? Stealing my ideas? Trying to take my mojo? You’re potentially gonna get your butt kicked if I find you rolling around in my head again!

You give the outdoors a bad name. You couldn’t navigate your way out of a kid’s cupcake party.

I’m with Mattie-boy on this one. Stay out of my head! Those are my voices! Mine alone…

*These statements are a pigmentation of my imagination. No actual celebrities were contacted for their opinion on my reaching 500 followers.

Potentially Disruptive thanks you for following! I always like to refer to myself in third-person.

Rappin’ Yogi Mossie

Posted on February 1, 2014 by Ken Marteney

Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse

We’re tearing hammies from here to Miami

We do our chaturangas in bling

We are the yoga kings

We’re always bringing the hassle

To the parkour lads in Newcastle

We’re always starting trouble

Here to burst your fitness bubble

The heat’s in the meat

As we breathe to the beat

Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse are tough

Not to be confused with the cross fit fluff

Internet blogger freaks doing Blogarate

It’s like a Yugo drag racing a Maserati

You do push-ups on your pinkies

We do press-ups with our winkies

Yoga’s the winner

We’ll consume you for dinner

Warrior 1

Warrior2

Warrior 3

We practice yoga for free

Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse

Namaste

The Big Stink

Aside

Shopping this morning my face is numb

It’s the second time I’ve been crop dusted by an invisible bum

A fly-by of flatulence that smells like day old bologna

Searching the quiet store

I caught a glimpse of old man Maloney

Laughing and chuckling as he disappeared down an aisle

He got me again

That smell sure is vile

The odor stuck to the clothes I was wearin’

Everyone be on the lookout for the Red Baron

A Chef’s Plea to Low Carb Dieters

Posted on January 28, 2014 by Ken Marteney

Stop living in the closet.
What’s wrong with you?
You dream of foreplay with chips and salsa before you make love to a beef burrito.

But you deny yourself.
You even deny yourself birthday cake at your own child’s birthday party.

Stop living on the fringe where the burger meets the bun or the salad meets the crouton.
Come back my falafel eating maniacs.

What happened to binge drinking while shoving countless cupcakes in your face as you laughed all night?

Where did the laughter go?

Now it looks as if a nervous breakdown is imminent.

I’m calling all the little piggies back to the pen.

Eat Cake!

Live life to the fullest.

Chef Mutton Chop’s Plea is brought to you by Potentially Disruptive.

Blogarate

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Ken Marteney

The new self defense system designed for bloggers to keep the crazies away.

Have you ever encountered a knuckle dragging brute who is convinced your latest fiction was inspired by his momma? I have.

Up until now we bloggers had only one option. Run.

Not anymore!

Blogarate trains you to punch and kick out your posts.

That’s write you will be punching and kicking out your posts like never before!

The secret is in the humongous keyboard built on an adjustable rack.

The letters on the keyboard are specially designed to be punched, kicked, elbowed and kneed.

Blogarate builds confidence and gets you ripped as you express your innerself.

Blogarate also comes with gloves and head gear. These moves are serious and deadly and we wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Blogarate is based on five martial art disciplines — Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Karate and let’s not forget Kung Fu.

Act now and we will rush you a bonus DVD on ten ways to defend yourself with a cheese puff.

At Blogarate we like to say it’s not about the words, it’s about the punch-uation!