A middle-aged woman speeding in a truck
Hogs the lane like she doesn’t give a @$#%
Than running you over with her truck
Foster kid Kenny’s dance interpretation of arriving at his first boys home. Go Kenny!
Kenny promotes National Action Figure Day in an interview.
In a room that smelled like aging meat
Chef Mutton Chop had too much to drink
He blurted out:
The guy who prepared your soup
never washes his hands after he poops!
Yes, tap water from the sink
is scary to drink.
They all put their dinkys
in the drinkys!
And their noodles
poke your strudel!
Always having fun
with your bun,
never forgetting the extra sleaze
on the cheese.
Hepatitis — Tag, You’re it!
Chef Mutton Chop then leaned over and vomited in a trash can.
And one final thought…
They always use the tortilla as a wipe
before they roll your burrito tight.
Have a great time as you dine tonight.
I’ll tell you who’s trapped — I was trapped during that post. You’re full of rubbish. You should be kicked off the internet.
Oh my gawd! And you call yourself a writer? Are you stupid? Chef Mutton Chop was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! They should kick you off the internet.
Ken, Ken, Ken. Airing your family’s dirty laundry on the internet. What are you thinking? I’m thinking you weren’t’ thinking. Have you considered changing your title from Potentially Disruptive to Surely Stupid?
Blog till you’re naked? What are you NSA’ing my mind? Stealing my ideas? Trying to take my mojo? You’re potentially gonna get your butt kicked if I find you rolling around in my head again!
You give the outdoors a bad name. You couldn’t navigate your way out of a kid’s cupcake party.
I’m with Mattie-boy on this one. Stay out of my head! Those are my voices! Mine alone…
*These statements are a pigmentation of my imagination. No actual celebrities were contacted for their opinion on my reaching 500 followers.
Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse
We’re tearing hammies from here to Miami
We do our chaturangas in bling
We are the yoga kings
We’re always bringing the hassle
To the parkour lads in Newcastle
We’re always starting trouble
Here to burst your fitness bubble
The heat’s in the meat
As we breathe to the beat
Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse are tough
Not to be confused with the cross fit fluff
Internet blogger freaks doing Blogarate
It’s like a Yugo drag racing a Maserati
You do push-ups on your pinkies
We do press-ups with our winkies
Yoga’s the winner
We’ll consume you for dinner
We practice yoga for free
Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse
Shopping this morning my face is numb
It’s the second time I’ve been crop dusted by an invisible bum
A fly-by of flatulence that smells like day old bologna
Searching the quiet store
I caught a glimpse of old man Maloney
Laughing and chuckling as he disappeared down an aisle
He got me again
That smell sure is vile
The odor stuck to the clothes I was wearin’
Everyone be on the lookout for the Red Baron
Chef Mutton Chop’s Plea is brought to you by Potentially Disruptive.
The new self defense system designed for bloggers to keep the crazies away.
Have you ever encountered a knuckle dragging brute who is convinced your latest fiction was inspired by his momma? I have.
Up until now we bloggers had only one option. Run.
Blogarate trains you to punch and kick out your posts.
That’s write you will be punching and kicking out your posts like never before!
The secret is in the humongous keyboard built on an adjustable rack.
The letters on the keyboard are specially designed to be punched, kicked, elbowed and kneed.
Blogarate builds confidence and gets you ripped as you express your innerself.
Blogarate also comes with gloves and head gear. These moves are serious and deadly and we wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.
Blogarate is based on five martial art disciplines — Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Karate and let’s not forget Kung Fu.
Act now and we will rush you a bonus DVD on ten ways to defend yourself with a cheese puff.
At Blogarate we like to say it’s not about the words, it’s about the punch-uation!
Side effects are: confidence, a good night’s sleep and referring to everyone you meet on the street as your “little bitch.”
Get our Street Cred Package and get a free “I’m a Blogger, bitch” t-shirt.
Profanity not included.
This ad is brought to you by Potentially Disruptive.
Flying down the road
The kids think I’m a troll
Because I’ll only play rock and roll
I sing loud and proud
I like the windows down
Still everybody frowns
They all want to hear one thing
And it’s not music from the king
I raised them on Miles and Coltrane
Mozart and Beethoven
Elvis and Frank
When did their musical tastes tank
They are fanatics about country
Since some of those weenies
Started wearing beanies
I would rather commit harry carry
Than listen to those fairies
About dirt and trucks
And dogs wagging their tails for good luck
I would rather stab myself in the neck
Than to sit back and say what the heck
I was told
I’m just getting old
Better roll up the windows before you catch a cold
Just another old man
Driving a bunch of kids in a mini van