I Surfed the Ocean of Despair

I was the kind of foster kid that would stand with you till the end if you were my friend.

Even if it meant standing up to someone bigger, we would both get beat up together.

Even if it meant going AWOL to see some family, I would go with you.

When family members let you down, I would be the one to say dude why do you think we’re here.

I was the kid that would introduce you to everyone when you were new.

I was the kid that would always show you around school.

I was also the kid that would incite a riot.

I was one of those kids that was never quiet.

I was one of those kids that had a knack for getting out of jams.

I was one of those kids that was never really sad.

I always figured out a way of having fun.

That’s what got me through the system.

One of my many placements was MacLaren Hall, Los Angeles county’s hell hole. I spent over a year there — and I still have no complaints.

I was in there when the staff could put their hands on you. Give you a little wall to wall counseling.

I saw my fair share of solitary, known as Room One, where you’re stripped down to your underwear with just a mat in an eight by eight room and the bright lights never go out.

My system ride was no picnic.

It was like a wave of violence and dysfunction in an ocean of despair.

I say keep your eyes open, don’t turn your back on that wave. It will crush you.

Paddle out to it and surf it.

Look at it as an adventure.

You’ll come out less beat up in the end.

Finding Gold

It is amazing how the digital world is affecting my physical world.

My inhibitions are unraveling.

In the digital world the only thing that holds you back is a key stroke.

This weekend I’ve been on cab rides in Cairo and to a festival in the forest.

All this excitement has changed my attitude toward the public in general.

I’m sharing more.

I know it sounds hippy…

I have to be careful about the hippy talk.

You know you could be shot for that in rural Texas.

Shhhh and don’t tell them I’m from Los Angeles either.

I heard you can be jailed just for visiting.

I’m ninth generation, I’m sure that’s the noose.

Yikes.

Nobody knows.

Although I do buy a lot of avocados and sprouts at the market and say dude pretty often.

When the folks around here ask me about it I just say I watch a lot of TV then immediately point out some random person and say “I haven’t seen them around here before.”

But I’m actually interested in people again.

Everybody has something to offer even if they don’t know it.

I just want to help them find their gold.

The digital world has inspired me to inspire others I see everyday.

I hope, with all my inhibitions unraveling, I don’t turn into an old nudist.