Be Nice to Your Waiter

In a room that smelled like aging meat

Chef Mutton Chop had too much to drink

sherry

He blurted out:

The guy who prepared your soup

lobster-bisque

never washes his hands after he poops!

Yes, tap water from the sink

rustyfaucet

is scary to drink.

They all put their dinkys

drink

in the drinkys!

And their noodles

strudel

poke your strudel!

Always having fun

with your bun,

burger

never forgetting the extra sleaze

on the cheese.

Hepatitis — Tag, You’re it!

Chef Mutton Chop then leaned over and vomited in a trash can.

And one final thought…

They always use the tortilla as a wipe

burrito

before they roll your burrito tight.

Cheers!

Have a great time as you dine tonight.

waiters

Celebrities Comment on 500 Followers

simon

I’ll tell you who’s trapped — I was trapped during that post. You’re full of rubbish. You should be kicked off the internet.

ramsey1

Oh my gawd! And you call yourself a writer? Are you stupid? Chef Mutton Chop was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! They should kick you off the internet.

drphil

Ken, Ken, Ken. Airing your family’s dirty laundry on the internet. What are you thinking? I’m thinking you weren’t’ thinking. Have you considered changing your title from Potentially Disruptive to Surely Stupid?

matthew

Blog till you’re naked? What are you NSA’ing my mind? Stealing my ideas? Trying to take my mojo? You’re potentially gonna get your butt kicked if I find you rolling around in my head again!

bear

You give the outdoors a bad name. You couldn’t navigate your way out of a kid’s cupcake party.

gary

I’m with Mattie-boy on this one. Stay out of my head! Those are my voices! Mine alone…

*These statements are a pigmentation of my imagination. No actual celebrities were contacted for their opinion on my reaching 500 followers.

 Potentially Disruptive thanks you for following! I always like to refer to myself in third-person.

Trapped

Yesterday I got trapped in a conversation about nothing,

And it went on and on and on

marxbrothers

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

reallybored

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

wideeyed

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

harmonica

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

Then I thought it was over

thoughtitwasover

But it wasn’t

And it kept going on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

Harpo Marx

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

frown

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

Then I thought it was over

thoughtitwasover

But it wasn’t

So it went on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

lookingaway

I searched for an escape

But it kept going on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

bitingknuckle

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

angry

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

Then I thought it was over

thoughtitwasover

But it wasn’t

And it kept going on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

gun

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

Then I thought it was over

thoughtitwasover

But it wasn’t

And it kept going on

And on and on and on

And on and on and on

And I think it may still be going on…

gone

Rappin’ Yogi Mossie

Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse

We’re tearing hammies from here to Miami

toughpossee

We do our chaturangas in bling

We are the yoga kings

possee

We’re always bringing the hassle

To the parkour lads in Newcastle

parkour2

We’re always starting trouble

Here to burst your fitness bubble

Ram Pratap Verma, a 32-year-old aspiring Bollywood film actor, practices gymnastics on a beach in Mumbai

The heat’s in the meat

As we breathe to the beat

urbanstreet

Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse are tough

Not to be confused with the cross fit fluff

crossfit

Internet blogger freaks doing Blogarate

It’s like a Yugo drag racing a Maserati

Yugo

maserati

You do push-ups on your pinkies

We do press-ups with our winkies

crane

Yoga’s the winner

We’ll consume you for dinner

dinner

Warrior 1

Warrior2

Warrior 3

We practice yoga for free

yogagroup

Yogi Mossie and the Down Dog Posse

Namaste

onhead

The Big Stink

Aside

grocerystore

Shopping this morning my face is numb

It’s the second time I’ve been crop dusted by an invisible bum

holdingnose

A fly-by of flatulence that smells like day old bologna

redbaronwithgun

Searching the quiet store

grocery-store-aisles

I caught a glimpse of old man Maloney

Laughing and chuckling as he disappeared down an aisle

laughingman

He got me again

That smell sure is vile

The odor stuck to the clothes I was wearin’

Everyone be on the lookout for the Red Baron

redbaron

A Chef’s Plea to Low Carb Dieters

piggy
Stop living in the closet.
What’s wrong with you?
You dream of foreplay with chips and salsa before you make love to a beef burrito.

bigburritolove
But you deny yourself.
You even deny yourself birthday cake at your own child’s birthday party.

birthday
Stop living on the fringe where the burger meets the bun or the salad meets the crouton.
Come back my falafel eating maniacs.

falafel
What happened to binge drinking while shoving countless cupcakes in your face as you laughed all night?

cupcakes
Where did the laughter go?

laughter
Now it looks as if a nervous breakdown is imminent.

hamsterwheel
I’m calling all the little piggies back to the pen.

Eat Cake!

cake
Live life to the fullest.

bigbelly

Chef Mutton Chop’s Plea is brought to you by Potentially Disruptive.

psa

Blogarate

blogarate

The new self defense system designed for bloggers to keep the crazies away.

Have you ever encountered a knuckle dragging brute who is convinced your latest fiction was inspired by his momma?  I have.

Up until now we bloggers had only one option. Run.

Not anymore!

punch

Blogarate trains you to punch and kick out your posts.

That’s write you will be punching and kicking out your posts like never before!

The secret is in the humongous keyboard built on an adjustable rack.

The letters on the keyboard are specially designed to be punched, kicked, elbowed and kneed.

Blogarate builds confidence and gets you ripped as you express your innerself.

kick

Blogarate also comes with gloves and head gear. These moves are serious and deadly and we wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Blogarate is based on five martial art disciplines — Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Karate and let’s not forget Kung Fu.

Act now and we will rush you a bonus DVD on ten ways to defend yourself with a cheese puff.

At Blogarate we like to say it’s not about the words, it’s about the punch-uation!

punch2

Side effects are: confidence, a good night’s sleep and referring to everyone you meet on the street as your “little bitch.”

Get our Street Cred Package and get a free “I’m a Blogger, bitch” t-shirt.

Profanity not included.

This ad is brought to you by Potentially Disruptive.

jumpkick